What is the desire of your heart?

Ten years ago, I was a young married mom, washing dishes at my kitchen sink in a little rent house somewhere in Texas. My husband was at graduate school, finishing up nearly three years of very hard work. My kids were at their own schools, learning how to read and write.

Though my hands were busy in the soapy water, my heart and my mind were somewhere else. As I washed I envisioned our new home and my husband's new job. Our fenced-in back yard. Our new church and friends.

I wasn't just dreaming then. I was hoping. And praying. And trusting God to His word.

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I did that. I was so excited about the next chapter of our lives that I never doubted what His word said.

Now, don't get me wrong. I do not believe that God is some kind of slot machine where we can pull a lever and expect Him to give us whatever we want.

But I believe that His word is true.

Delight yourself.

Sit at His feet and heed His voice. Soak up His word and His presence. Tell Him you love Him. Show Him you love Him.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you were willing to do whatever it took to get it? That's how I felt at that moment, ten years ago.

When I would talk to the Lord, I couldn't help but smile and think about the great plans He has for me. I would get so excited about what was coming, like a daughter sitting at her daddy's feet. Trusting Him, knowing He only had her best in mind.

In 1998, we had been married six years. Three of those were lived away from our families while hubby went to school all day and I stayed home with my babies. Three of those were the hardest years of my life.

I longed for the day when my husband was done with school-- no more studying or being gone more than he was home. (Or coming home smelling like Formaldehyde. Yuck.) I looked forward to a real job with a real income. I anticipated a new season for our marriage and our family.

I have always been very specific in my prayers, and this big thing was no exception. I made my list and prayed Psalms 37:4 over it every day in my quiet time. And I prayed over it again while I was washing dishes and dreaming.

I believe that God is an Ephesians 3:20 God, and if I can dream it big-- He can make it even bigger. So y'all, my list was LONG. So long, in fact, that I would hide it whenever people came over. One time I forgot, and I was greeted with the reaction I expected from others. (Which is why I hid it in the first place.)

"Are you serious? That's a lot of stuff. You really think God is going to do that?"

Yes I do. And yes He did. (And that's a whole other post in and of itself.)

Now, ten years later, I'm making a new list. I'm not moving or anything. But He's put a new dream in my heart. And I'm getting ready.

I wish I could say that every day for the past ten years I have delighted myself in Him. I have not. I wish I could tell you that I have never strayed from Him and life has been sunshine and roses all this time. I would be lying if I did.

But how rich and how sweet it is to sit at His feet. How precious it is to listen to His voice and know how much He loves me. This time, I'm praying verses five and six over my new dream, too.

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

I am excited about this new journey, this new season. He has never led me astray, and the joy that I receive when I trust in Him is bubbling up inside me again. It's been a while, y'all, and I am so, so very thankful for it.

Originally posted September 2008 @ Mom in Transition

Those tempting cows

This converstation took place in my kitchen last night.

Me: K, what are your plans for this weekend?

K: I want to go cow tipping with [insert name of crazy friend].

Me: What?!? How can you even say that? That's horrible! It's too mean. You can't do that.

K: Why not? It's funny. A bunch of people want to go and [crazy friend] has cows.

Me: No way. It's too mean.

K: Well then I'll go but I won't do anything. I'm on crutches anyway.

Hubby: That's like saying you'll go to a party and not drink.

Seriously? Being tempted by a big 'ol brown cow is just like passing up a beer at a party? I didn't know.

Originally posted September 2008 @ Mom in Transition

What if it happened to you?

With all the talk of Sarah Palin's 17 year-old daughter being pregnant, there has been lots of discussion of teen pregnancy in the news. Several times this week I have heard the question, "What would you do if it happened to you?"

Honestly, I hope it doesn't happen to me. But if it does, I know exactly what I would do. I would treat my daughter the same way my parents treated me when I got pregnant at 17.

I would love her.

Of course they did millions of things more than that, but every action and every word was based on love.

Do I want my daughter to go through what I did? Absolutely not.

Do I explain to her why I don't want her to go through it? All the time.

Believe me, we are VERY open with her, and because we speak from experience we don't sugar-coat anything. I would like to believe that she will make all the right decisions, but I'm not naive enough to think that she can't mess up.

Though I pray we don't have to deal with those circumstances, I don't know where I would be right now if I had not been so loved at that time in my life.

People look at me and my husband now and think life must have always been good. We have a great marriage. We are very much in love and are in a great place in life. He has a wonderful job. I'm able to stay home with our kids and home school. We recently built a house.

But life wasn't always like this.

We were 17 and 18 when we got married. We both started college full-time right out of high school and he started working nights and weekends. When I became pregnant with our second child, I quit college and became a SAHM. Not long after that we had our third child and moved because my husband was accepted into PT school.

(Yes, we realized a pattern there and we eventually made a permanent decision that I would
later painfully regret.)

A lot of life happened between babies and school and jobs. Being married is hard work, no matter how old you are. And when you are aren't living for the Lord and you're exhausted from dealing with three small children all day or are working and reading textbooks for umpteen hours at a time, putting forth effort to sustain a good marriage isn't necessarily a priority.

But God is faithful.

And here we are.

Eighteen plus years later, sixteen of those being married, we still love each other very much. We have three amazing children that make me smile every day. We are very involved in our church and love to serve. And because of what I went through, I'm able to minister to young women all the time who just want a flicker of hope to hold onto, when they find themselves in a similar situation.

And when I'm able to give them that, I am so very thankful that I can.

Originally posted September 2008